I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
