I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
