should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize