I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize