How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
