Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
