I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
