I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
