just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
