All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
