laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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