if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
