If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're a waste of cheezeits
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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