i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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