Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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