Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
