im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
