My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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