A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
