I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize