i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
