Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
