he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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