I'm sorry my penis didn't work
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
