I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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