the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
