i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
