You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
