just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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