The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
