ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
