So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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