Reggie can tackle my bush.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
