My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
