I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
