didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
After last night, I could never be a politician.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
