She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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