They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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