help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
