cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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