She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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