Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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