My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
