Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize