dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
wow bdsm is so cute
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
