Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
