Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
