it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Im part way to drunk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
