she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
