omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
