dude i'm inner monologue high
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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