I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
