"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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