Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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