Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
