have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
