okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
