FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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