Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
