bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
