some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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