So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
