Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
