Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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